Tonight I was sitting with some friends chatting after dinner, when another friend dropped by to show us a video. Now you have to understand that we get video from other KBR truck drivers and from some of the soldiers all the time. Some are funny, some are for morale, and some show what my fellow drivers go thru when their convoy is hit. Many others and I have these and swap them when one doesn’t have one the other has. Therefore, when this friend came in and said that he had a video that we needed to see, we all just assumed that it was another of those. We gathered around his computer and he started the video. I will never forget what I saw on the screen and I hope that I never will see anything like it again. It was of the beheading of Nick Berg. Several others and I were sickened by what we saw and walked away. This friend thought that every American should see this video. He says that if they saw this they would forget about the bull at the prison, and would be calling for our leaders to do something about it. I know that I have said that this group was for my experiences and not for debating the politics of why we are here. But tonight I have to break this a bit. Seeing this video is part of my experience and as much as it makes me want to ask my self “what in the hell am I doing here”, and if I should really share this with you, I told ya’ll that I would not hide anything from you and would give ya’ll the truth.
Please, please, if any of you have not seen this video, DON’T!!! It is a gruesome thing to watch and I cannot see how any human being can do something like that to another. I sit here and have tears running down my face. I feel for his family and those that knew him. I am deeply saddened that there are such monsters in this world. And that is what they are, monsters! I came here thinking that we were doing the right thing, that we were helping these people, I still believe that. I don’t think that will change. I just wish that the American people would stop all their whining and bitching about this and that and let the Military do what needs to be done here. The politicians in Washington are so concerned with the election and the American public’s opinion that it is going to make this an even more bloody war than it is already. No one deserved to die that way, no one. You think that 9/11 was bad because of the body count. This one death, to me, was just as bad if not worse. I will never get the image of what I saw in that video out of my head and neither will any of us that were there tonight.
I want to see our Government doing something about this. I want retribution for my fellow American that had to die in such a manner that it will give all of us all nightmare images for the rest of our lives. Yes, war is costly, in more way than one. It cost money, and it cost the lives of our brothers, sisters, parents, and children. It cost some of us more than that, it cost some, our own lives. We know when we step on that plane to come over here that we could be killed by any number of things, but not that way. Not like that. I know that I am going on and on, but you have to understand that I really don’t know what to feel. Anger, sadness, fear, thankfulness, and more determined. I know that that may sound crazy to ya’ll, but let me explain.
Anger- I am so very angry that this has happened to a fellow human being. It doesn’t matter where he came from, what color his skin is, what religion he practices, he was a human being and deserved better than that.
Sadness– For the family and friends that knew is man. I can’t not say that I can understand their pain, and I hope that is something I will never be able to understand.
Fear– I never will allow myself to be taken hostage. I know this may disturb ya’ll, but I wont go thru what they do to the people that they take hostage.
Thankfulness– Now this is one that I have a hard time dealing with. I am thankful it wasn’t me or one of my friends. I know that I should not be ashamed to feel this feeling, but in some ways, it feels wrong to be thinking that.
More determined– Hell yes I am more determined to stay here and do my part to support our troops to rid this world of monsters like that. They are not human. They cannot be allowed to go on doing this. They have to be stopped.
I know that this email is going to disturb many in my family and several of my friends, for that I am sorry. I just …… I just want to tell everyone that I love them. I want to save ya’ll the emotions and disbelief that my friends and I are going thru tonight. We all knew that it would have an impact on us if we saw it. That is why we told our-selves and each other that we would not watch it. I ask all of you to please, not watch the video if you happen upon it. Please spare your-selves that pain and anguish. I know that tonight, several of us will not have a good nights sleep. We all talked about our families and all are sending emails home or making phone calls home. We are all asking our families to do the same that I am doing here. Stay away from the video. Please!